The NICU

It's been said before that it's not the doctors that run a hospital, it's the nurses and we had some wonderful nurses.  Now, that's not to say there weren't a couple that didn't irritate the crap out of me that I wanted to at  one time or another verbally vomit on, and really just one that I didn't jive with. And, WE DIDN'T JIVE.   I really try not to be a nasty person but it does creep up on me at times and when it does, it's usually not pretty as every thought I have spills out onto the floor in a pile of not so nice adjectives.  Funny how we never had that nurse again! :-)

However, we were extremely blessed with three nurses that I can't imagine being any better at what they do.   These unsung heroes have a tough job.  These babies in the NICU are tiny, premature, sometimes unhealthy creatures, and the nurses handle them like full grown children.   Tubes, iv's, procedures, you name it, they have it covered and they know what they are doing.   If someone messes with those babies, you better be ready to deal with the nurse because those are their babies and they take ownership of them as if they were their own.   They loved my little girl and even asked to be with her every shift they worked.  When you have to go home at night, knowing there is someone there that you have developed a relationship with is beyond the word of comfort.  Melissa, Sharlene, & Sarah....THANK YOU!

I remember always having the feeling that I was in a basement.  When referring to the NICU, I would always say, let's go down to the NICU....if we were in the NICU I would say, let's go up to the cafeteria.   The NICU is on the 2nd floor, not in the basement.   It was dark, it was unusually warm, it was loud, it was busy,  it was silencing, and it was lonely all at the same time.

What struck me funny were the comments from the nurses and doctors referring to the time we spent with Leah at the hospital.   Where else would I be?  But looking around, we were the only parents who spent everyday with our baby.  A lesson learned:  Never criticize how someone deals with a situation in their lives.  I felt the need to be there....I didn't care where someone else thought I should be because truth be known, I didn't want to be there, yet I wanted to be there, I wanted to be at home, I wanted to be with my other kids, I wanted to fix dinner, I wanted to get up and go to work, I wanted to be pregnant and looking forward to Christmas with a new healthy baby girl.

I remember telling someone in the NICU that I felt as if God had picked me up and set me down in a forest and told me to find my way home.   I don't know how I got here and I don't want to be here, this isn't the life I wanted, I don't know where I am going but I know that I am still not 'home'.....maybe someday