I find myself these days trying to relate everything to something.....anything. Sometimes, I get myself so far off track I have forgotten how I even got there. I was in a conversation the other day and while its nothing new to be zoned out at times, when this conversation was over, I had no idea not only of what was said but even what the general topic was. My mind had drifted to Leah.
Leah, this little person who has been in my life now for 9 mo and 8 days. Little Leah, the little wonder. We have in the past month been to Children's Mercy in KC twice. Once for a visit with a neurologist and once for an EEG. How is it that your life goes from a vocabulary of football, volleyball, homework, supper, tv, and laundry to neurology, therapy, doctors, and disabilities? It's like we were looking at a map and accidentally flipped the atlas from page 6 to page 26 and couldn't flip back. What do you do? You step forward no matter what's in front of you.
So many times, I find myself so uptight because I am trying so hard to figure all this out....and I can't. Then, I look at Leah. She day in and day out fights and she doesn't even know it. She has to work harder at doing anything; at doing everything than anyone else.....and she does it. I liken the monstrosity of her struggles to that of climbing Mt Everest and she is at the bottom, with no equipment, no protection, no experience. And she climbs. She climbs everyday. She might not get anywhere but she does it. She works harder than anyone I know, not because she wants to, but because she has to.
She is a fighter, a miracle, a blessing. She has worked harder in her 9 mo than I ever will. Her name is Leah and tomorrow we're going to climb a mountain.
This is a story. A story about a little girl. A little girl named Leah.
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Four Arms Please!
So I know it's been just a ridiculous amount of time since I have written and really it's not for lack of ideas but actually maybe too many ideas. I liken it to apples at the grocery store. I mean really, have you ever taken the time to count the different types of apples you can buy? Seriously, it's too much for an already confused, overloaded, crazy minded person like myself. I end up standing there for 20 min only to walk away with nothing! As is my blog lately. At the start of this blog, I have four other blogs in process. Dumb
Anyway, today was one of those, 'I better write so I feel better kind of days' for several reasons. I hate it when you know someone is upset with you but instead of just telling you why, they ignore you (I may or may not of acted that way a time or two too myself) but really, just let me know so I can fix it! But, that wasn't the biggest problem of the day.... I made the decsion to take Leah to Wichita! She had OT, PT, and Speech, which in of itself should have been a big warning but I went in early to shop for my other daughters birthday as well. All this a day after Leah ran a fever (her first ) all day and has done nothing but cry today although fever free.
WHAT WAS I THINKING?????
For the love of God, I need more than two arms! I need an arm to carry the baby, an arm to carry my purse, diaper bag, and can of caffeine, another arm to push the stroller, one more to open the door so my third arm can push the stroller through, or one that is abnormally long to reach into the back seat, over the car seat and long enough to grab the binky and stuff it in the mouth of one screaming, overworked, doesn't feel good baby while my other two arms are busy driving and wiping the tears that have mysteriously began trailing down my cheeks.
Our first stop was the Goddard McDonalds because Leah is screaming in the back seat. Her face is red, she is pissed, and I haven't had any caffeine all morning. I proceed to order a burger and an extra large drink, wishing they had a bud light keg on tap but thankful for whatever it was I filled it with. The child has to be exhausted at this point and wishful thinking envisions a baby that takes her binky and falls fast asleep in her joyful mothers arms. WRONG AGAIN!
Next stop: The Mall! Now, I once again incorrectly label our trip as peaceful. Thinking a nice stroll in the stoller in the cool mall was all she needed. Oh how I was wrong. Pretty sure the girls in The Buckle will not be having kids anytime soon. After about 3 min of browsing and a screaming Leah, I gently smiled at the girl and said we'll be back. I think the look she gave me was "oh, please don't".
I have always thought it was so nice of the mall people to strategically set so many benches throughout the mall for whomever might need them....you know, the men made to go shopping with their wives who really could care less, the older woman who just needs a rest, or the mother with the screaming baby. Yeah, I plopped my near to tears butt down on that bench and wished I had a dollar for every person that walked by and stared at us. Ready to throw in the towel and I see relief. A friend and her daughter conveniently arrived, just happened to come to the entrance we were sitting at, to the very store I was shopping in, and rescued me. For 15 minutes, I shopped minus a screaming baby.
Next stop: Wesley....oh the memories I have of Wesley. Somehow, Leah miraculously didn't utter one peep on the drive from the mall to Wesley. NOT ONE! It was rejuvenating....but it didn't last long. By the time we strolled to the therapy office, Leah was once again putting on the performance from hell. The OT lady got her to calm down a little bit but it was shorted lived. One mom made a comment to me, "Wow, she is really upset" NO SHIT! To make a long story short, OT, Speech, and PT rescheduled for another day.
Now, it's been said before that women tend to want to do everything by themselves. I am one of those not necessarily because I think I am the greatest at it but I guess because I am somewhat of a loaner. I knew going in that it probably wasn't going to be a productive day, but I did it anyway and I paid the price and sadly, so did my little girl, who is FINALLY after seven hours, sleeping. And what makes it worse, is I will do it again...I think mothers are designed to punish themselves in mysterious ways.
Whew....anybody got a drink?
Anyway, today was one of those, 'I better write so I feel better kind of days' for several reasons. I hate it when you know someone is upset with you but instead of just telling you why, they ignore you (I may or may not of acted that way a time or two too myself) but really, just let me know so I can fix it! But, that wasn't the biggest problem of the day.... I made the decsion to take Leah to Wichita! She had OT, PT, and Speech, which in of itself should have been a big warning but I went in early to shop for my other daughters birthday as well. All this a day after Leah ran a fever (her first ) all day and has done nothing but cry today although fever free.
WHAT WAS I THINKING?????
For the love of God, I need more than two arms! I need an arm to carry the baby, an arm to carry my purse, diaper bag, and can of caffeine, another arm to push the stroller, one more to open the door so my third arm can push the stroller through, or one that is abnormally long to reach into the back seat, over the car seat and long enough to grab the binky and stuff it in the mouth of one screaming, overworked, doesn't feel good baby while my other two arms are busy driving and wiping the tears that have mysteriously began trailing down my cheeks.
Our first stop was the Goddard McDonalds because Leah is screaming in the back seat. Her face is red, she is pissed, and I haven't had any caffeine all morning. I proceed to order a burger and an extra large drink, wishing they had a bud light keg on tap but thankful for whatever it was I filled it with. The child has to be exhausted at this point and wishful thinking envisions a baby that takes her binky and falls fast asleep in her joyful mothers arms. WRONG AGAIN!
Next stop: The Mall! Now, I once again incorrectly label our trip as peaceful. Thinking a nice stroll in the stoller in the cool mall was all she needed. Oh how I was wrong. Pretty sure the girls in The Buckle will not be having kids anytime soon. After about 3 min of browsing and a screaming Leah, I gently smiled at the girl and said we'll be back. I think the look she gave me was "oh, please don't".
I have always thought it was so nice of the mall people to strategically set so many benches throughout the mall for whomever might need them....you know, the men made to go shopping with their wives who really could care less, the older woman who just needs a rest, or the mother with the screaming baby. Yeah, I plopped my near to tears butt down on that bench and wished I had a dollar for every person that walked by and stared at us. Ready to throw in the towel and I see relief. A friend and her daughter conveniently arrived, just happened to come to the entrance we were sitting at, to the very store I was shopping in, and rescued me. For 15 minutes, I shopped minus a screaming baby.
Next stop: Wesley....oh the memories I have of Wesley. Somehow, Leah miraculously didn't utter one peep on the drive from the mall to Wesley. NOT ONE! It was rejuvenating....but it didn't last long. By the time we strolled to the therapy office, Leah was once again putting on the performance from hell. The OT lady got her to calm down a little bit but it was shorted lived. One mom made a comment to me, "Wow, she is really upset" NO SHIT! To make a long story short, OT, Speech, and PT rescheduled for another day.
Now, it's been said before that women tend to want to do everything by themselves. I am one of those not necessarily because I think I am the greatest at it but I guess because I am somewhat of a loaner. I knew going in that it probably wasn't going to be a productive day, but I did it anyway and I paid the price and sadly, so did my little girl, who is FINALLY after seven hours, sleeping. And what makes it worse, is I will do it again...I think mothers are designed to punish themselves in mysterious ways.
Whew....anybody got a drink?
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